It was either 3 yrs ago today or tomorrow when my ex packed up a small U-haul trailer and our two dogs and left for his hometown up north. That was one of the best/worst days of my life.
He had made me a deal, he would pay my car insurance to help me make my bills. I thought that was the least he could do for me after what he put me through.
Before they all left, I sat on the floor in the corner of my bedroom and held Shadow tight and just cried.
(The ex offered to let Shadow stay with me, but that damn dog loved him so much she would get depressed when he was out of town. How could I keep her away from him? I'm just not that selfish.)Shadow had enough of my blubbering after a couple minutes and went bounding out of the bedroom, unaware what was happening.
I of course continued to cry and he came in to cry to console me. I told him to just leave, go... I didn't want him near me.
I guess he thought I was sad at him leaving, (yeah, he was that into himself) I was sad at the fact Shadow was leaving. She had been in our lives since she was old enough to leave her mama, 6 or 7 weeks old. Just a tiny black ball of fur, raised by two cats.
I remained on the floor for a good 15 minutes after I heard the car pull away, making sure it wouldn't return. I didn't want my last memory of Shadow to be seeing her in that car pulling away.
Once I was sure they were gone for good I jumped up from the floor and started to clean house. No, I don't mean with a broom, I mean with strength I didn't know I had.
The first thing to go? The bedding! I had purchased new bedding with my Christmas bonus and had it in my trunk. Any furniture he left behind, I pulled right out the front door straight to the street.
My visiting girlfriend was still here, she thought at first she would help, but decided to stay out of my way. (She later told me I had scared her.) I was a woman on a mission. I did find quite a few of his things that I boxed up and put in my outside storage in case he ever noticed it missing.
I wasn't done until the house no longer looked like he ever lived there. It felt damn good, When I was done, I felt like a ton of weight had been taken from my shoulders. I felt free for the first time since 1989. (the year I met my first husband)
My father was coming soon too. I was so looking forward to it. I would no longer be embarrassed of my home or anything else in my life.
A new year and a new life were waiting for me... but I didn't have him totally out of my life just yet...
Past Posts in this series:
Living With Addiction ~ Part I
Living With Addiction ~ Part II
Living With Addiction ~ Part III
Living With Addiction ~ Part IV
Living With Addiction ~ Part V
Living With Addiction ~ Part VI
Living With Addiction ~ Part VII
Living With Addiction ~ Part VIII
Living With Addiction ~ Part IX
Living With Addiction ~ Part X
Living With Addiction ~ Part XI
Living With Addition ~ Part XII
Living With Addition ~ Part XIII
Living With Addiction ~ Part XIV
2 comments:
I completely understand the dog part. When I left, I couldn't take the cats with me. I was able to get them later, but that part really hurt. Strange the connections we have to our pets -- maybe it's because they love so purely, and at a time like that it's what we need most of all.
Sarah, I'm sorry I've not returned your comment sooner.. My pets are my kids, leaving them or losing them is very hard on me. I still miss Shadow to this day. I have her picture on my desk taken with Santa and one of her on the couch. She is still with me even though she isn't.
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